New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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