i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
