I want to have your abortion
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
