There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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