he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
