I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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