I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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