Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
