I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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