It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
