glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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