My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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