Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
