Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
