So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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