sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
