I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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