Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
