Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize