ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
