She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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