i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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