Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
