the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
