the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
