with your own penis?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
