he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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