I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
