i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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