You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
