what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
