Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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