just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize