Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
