someone owes me an orgasm
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
