I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
