I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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