That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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