You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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