you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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