yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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