you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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