I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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