You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
