whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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