Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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