dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
