My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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