I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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