saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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