Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
