My vagina just recognized that song.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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