it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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