so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The uberlube is also flammable
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
