I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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