Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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