I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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