thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
