I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
