I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize