well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize