A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
