when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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