Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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