How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
