I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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